There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
