summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
