She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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