This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
