I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
