that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
