Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
