Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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