well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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