I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
