Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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