Please, let me fuck your mom
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
