Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
