Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
