dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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