well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
