He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
