You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
