I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
