thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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