All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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