Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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