she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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