I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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