Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
