How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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