chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just blew my weed a kiss
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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