Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Do vagina's smell?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
