you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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