That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
