It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
