Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
