I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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