So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
