'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
