Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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