i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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