I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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