who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
