I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
