I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
