they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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