cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize