the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
