I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
