I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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