i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
