I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
