he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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