I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My bed smells like the plague
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
