Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
