Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
