david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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