not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
