Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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