i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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