I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
