fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
