her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
