ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
