so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
