Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize