Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
