his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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