i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
