he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
