i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
