I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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