we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
