im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
