I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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