I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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