he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
