Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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