that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
